By Tonja Condray Klein (Op-Ed 12/21/20)

On Saturday 12/19/20, I had an accident on the way home from shopping for Christmas presents. I was only five miles or so away from home at a light I know like the back of my hand when I realized an SUV in front of me wasn’t yet moving even though the light was green. I had already slowed down, but I hadn’t expected my last pump on the break to send me into a fish-tail. The pavement was slick from rain I hadn’t expected since I hadn’t had any issues all the way to that point, so all I could do was hold onto the steering wheel, scream out to Jesus to help, and wait for the impact.

The impact was not as bad as it could have been since I wasn’t going that fast from having already slowed on the way to the light. I haven’t had an accident or a ticket for the past thirty years. Yes, that’s right, I wrote 30 YEARS! After the pain in my knees got my attention I realized the impact had ended. I was okay except for bruises I knew I’d have on my knees from the dash and soreness in my shoulders from the hit jerking me. The man from the vehicle in front that I had rear-ended due to stupid rain making the pavement slick came to see if I was okay. He and his SUV were okay.

The man called the police to report the accident, and I called Ken to tell him about the wreck. The man and I both took pics of the other’s id and insurance cards then moved the cars to an empty lot on the same street. After ordering a tow for my car so badly crushed in front that I was barely able to turn the wheel to get car into the lot, the man and I waited for the police to arrive. I gave him one of my cards, and he told me that he was a Fantasy reader. I began telling him about my books and music then showed him the artwork of my characters I’d put on my phone and done by my amazing artist.

The police came, I got that stupid ticket the rain caused, then man left, and then I waited for the tow truck. I had to put more coat hood up and gloves on since the temperature was dropping and I couldn’t have my heat on due to the fluid leaking from my car. I was still a bit jarred. I simply thought that it happened for a reason, so I accepted it… until a rental car couldn’t be obtained until Monday which meant Ken would have to miss work since our other car was still in the shop. That was when I began coming apart emotionally. If this happened for a reason then why weren’t things working out?

Trusting God in the midst of problems isn’t easy, no matter how long you’ve known Jesus as Savior. I’ve known Jesus as Savior since I was eight years old, and I’m forty-eight in 2020. I still felt like giving up earlier today when I kept beating myself up over the ‘what ifs’ and kept feeling worse since the wreck was my fault and Ken was going to have to miss work… my fault too. Things are always my fault when I can’t get things to work out right. Ken doesn’t agree with me, and when I keep berating myself over a failure, it hurts him. I need to pray about that and read scripture against it.

Could this have turned out worse? Yes, I could have continued fish-tailing and ended up hitting a car that killed someone. Yes, I could have not fish-tailed and hit the SUV in the middle that would have deployed the air bag that might have hurt or killed me. Yes, the fact that the airbag did not go off means that the car won’t be totaled and is actually able to be fixed. Yes, if we didn’t have comprehensive insurance none of this could be fixed at all. As upset as I am to have an almost perfect driving record ended, at least no one was hurt badly or killed, and I was able to share my faith during it.

I believed that until today when I began to feel like I was useless, worthless, and purpose-less. Do those feelings come from a woman who continues to fight an ongoing auto-immune disease that is currently in remission? Not usually, but a new fear of driving in any weather other than sunshine might. An old fear of fear of letting down the people that I love at the worst times always does. An old fear of driving in rain already has as part of the new one. So how does this accident that was personal yet not fatal show how anyone else but me can be reminded of Grace at Christmas by this?

Ask the man who I rear-ended who may be reading my book or listening to my songs and may have known Jesus and is encouraged or maybe hadn’t but finds the way to Faith. Ask the tow truck driver who was already a Jesus believer but shared the news of his recent baptism with me but didn’t know why except that I had K-Love radio on in my car. Ask those reading this right now still asking the first question but still go to look up my books, my songs, or K-Love radio just because they read this out of curiosity and yet find something else that makes Christmas become that time of Grace.

Jesus Christ was born in Bethlehem over two thousand years ago, and He was crucified when he reached the age of thirty-three-and-a-half for every single human to be given a chance to accept His sacrifice by Grace through Faith, and never something by them since it’s a Gift of God. I sometimes forget that nothing is ever about me or my abilities. Every time something happens is a possibility to show God’s Love, Mercy, and Grace. If He uses my feeble skills or words then my joy should be full even if it hurt my pride, my body, or even my record in anything. Jesus is Lord, and I am His.

This Christmas 2020 is going to be hard for so many people who have lost loved ones, the ability to give to their families due to loss of resources, and even the rights to be with those they love even if the gathering be it ever so humble before is being taken away completely. I won’t be able to do what I’d had planned for my family since our car will be in the shop, and even if we should have a rental Monday, the weather is to be snowy on Christmas Eve and I couldn’t drive in it before the accident and especially not now after the accident and in a rental. It may be a Blue Christmas for most.

Let my accident be a reminder of the Grace in Christmas! Even if things are hard and horrible for you right now, try to see the Grace of the Savior in the face of the baby in a Manger as you sing carols via skype, Facetime, or Chat. Try to reach out in a safe but meaningful way to those who are hurting or alone by using those ways too and send food to them if they can’t order it for themselves. Try to share the same kind of Grace shown at Christmas to be found at Calvary once it fills your heart with Salvation. Even if you have accidents happen later you will then find His reasons will be enough.